Throwback? #1

Beberapa teman (termasuk gw juga sih) kadang suka throwback di Instagram atau Path...kalo throwback tulisan gimana ya? haha...malem ini random, baca-baca lagi postingan lama di blog ini. Ada beberapa post yang bikin dahi berkerut "ini gw yang nulis?", atau "ya ampun tulisan gw sok iye banget! :))))", atau tersenyum sendiri, atau bikin coba inget-inget lagi saat itu lagi mengalami apa sampai bisa nulis gitu...seru! lumayan ngaduk-ngaduk emosi...

10 post diantaranya adalah :

1. Jika saya telah tiada
2. Seorang penulis dan sang nyamuk
3. Anak kecil dan bintang laut
4. Pohon kehidupan
5. MIMPI (Masih gak inget ini kenapa nulis ini ya?!)
6. Tebakan tiga sahabat :')
7. Metanoia process
8. For those who about to give up, please don't
9. Human again (Bahkan gw baru tau ada yang komen dan pengen copas!!! meeen)
10. Hi friends! (berhubung mainin lagu-lagu TIMBC, jadi baca ini lagi haha)

seru juga baca lagi...gimanaaa gitu...haha

Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth

I was an innocent child who believed he had all the answers.
I was superficial, searching for all the wrong things that I thought would bring happiness.
Everyone wanted a piece of what I believed was really me.
All they really wanted was to benefit from the person I blindly thought myself to be.

When I realized my own delusion of myself, and who I am,
I began to change into the person I truly am, the person I want to be, the person I've always been, but couldn't see through the eyes of my own unawareness.
Confused, I sought a way to make sense of my confusion, my pain.
Desperately, I clung to anything to help confirm who I am. I wanted all this pain to be just in my mind, not real.

Am I the me I think I am?
I don't have that internal strength I need. I'm jealous of blissful ignorance. It is better to not have to deal with my demons. And this is so hard to come to terms with - who I thought I was versus who I really am.
Did I lose myself?
I can lose myself so easily.
All it takes is a crutch to ease this pain.

This pain is endless, my safety exists only when I'm alone in my safe place.
I enable my self-pity.
But can't ignore it forever. I know that I can't forever hide, but the temptation is so inviting to forget the pain away.
The pain always creeps back in.
It ruins everything I know isn't, but want to believe, is true.
I try to forget, so many ways, any way to make me believe
I am masking my hurt away, using a pleasant veil so maybe they will believe. Then maybe I can, too.

Am I the me I think I am?
I don't have the strength to fight it anymore. I'm aware, but the awareness is so painful.
But maybe I can just lose myself, one more temporarily gratifying time.
All it takes is a crutch to ease this pain.